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An ode to the Charlie Weis press conference

Sep 2, 2009, 7:00 AM EDT

I’ll get around to breaking down what Charlie Weis said at his first game-week press conference, but first a quick tribute to the extraordinary event that is a Charlie Weis press conference.

In his season-opening remarks a week or so ago, Weis spoke about “showing us.” Instead of giving his thoughts on what his team could do this season, Weis only took questions. I was sweating. Does this mean we won’t get the standard Tuesday’s with Charlie?

The Charlie Weis press conference is a singular event. Even Pete Carroll has had some fun with Charlie about the length of his opponent previews. In season’s past, I would literally check UND.com multiple times a morning, waiting for the transcript of the press conference to be available, and then I’d slowly send a page or two off at a time to the work printer — often times disguising it in a copy-and-pasted Word document, so nobody knew I was wasting paper and time printing off my alma mater’s weekly press conference.

But before you laugh, anyone who reads these things knows they are golden. If I ever want to fight the losing battle and try to prove that Charlie Weis is indeed a genius, I’d have slide one of my PowerPoint presentation be a CW Tuesday press conference transcript.

(Whenever anyone ever brings up geniuses, I immediately think of Eli Cash, Owen Wilson’s character in The Royal Tenenbaums. “Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone’s not a genius?”)

To consider Weis’ mastery of the press conference, let’s look at today’s talk, and specifically focus on Weis’ opening breakdown of Nevada.

Thanks to the wonderful video at UND.com, we’ve got the press conference in all its glory. In the past, I tried to guess what Weis would be doing when he gave his opening statements. Would he be reading his notes verbatim? Would he look reporters in the eye and wow them with his ridiculous ability to process a 60-man travel roster? Would he pull out a pencil and quickly compute an opponents offensive output from the X receiver position?

Weis got out of the gate quickly this morning, and his press conference skills are already in midseason form. Not only did we get updates on Vai Taua and Luke Lippincott, but we found out about stud true freshman Michael Ball, who — according to Weis — has been ripping up fall camp. Weis not only laid out quarterback Coli Kaepernick’s historical greatness and complemented it with his numbers, he might as well have told us that Kaepernick enjoys egg white omelets and waffles from the dining hall on Thursday mornings.

Weis even pulled out a few wildcards: Tight ends Virgil Green, Kevin Bohr, and Talaiasi Puloka might be the first three on the depth chart, but they weren’t the tight-end that lit up the team’s final intrasquad scrimmage for two receiving touchdowns. That was Zach Sudfeld. And don’t try to be sneaky with any number switches Kevin Grimes and Joe Easter, whether you’re wearing number 31, 20, 53 or 22, we will find you.

If this coaching internship thing doesn’t work out, Weis can always go work for Central Intelligence.  

Today’s press conference served Nevada and everybody else notice of one thing: Charlie Weis is ready to play Saturday.

(Not to mention that he’s probably smarter than you.)

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