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IBG: Better late than never

Oct 29, 2010, 9:19 PM EDT

I missed out on the Irish Blog Gathering last week, and even though most Irish fans are still dragging, Subway Domer did too good of a job assembling this week’s questions to ignore them completely.

Here we go with this week’s edition, proposed Monday evening:

1. A young man of 12 arrives in the United States from the city of Moroni, on the island of Comoros. He has never seen the game of football before, but notices you watching a game. He seems to really like watching it with you and asks what team he should cheer for. You, of course, tell him Notre Dame in attempt to have more company for your misery. He asks, “why Notre Dame?” Without using any of Notre Dame football history prior to 1995 and without spewing off nonsense about academics (which has no real bearing on a football game); give him your best answer. His name is Tonokiuyt Paluifirtaginerto.

Tony (It’s Tony from now on):

Run and hide. That’s my first piece of advice. Run and hide when you see football being played on Saturday, because the game will eat you up and spit you out. But if that won’t stop you, and you want to be there when the ship finally turns around, cheer cheer for ol’ Notre Dame.

It’s been a tough 15 years to be sure, but when it turns, you can say you were one of the millions that were there all along, even if you just jumped on the bandwagon after leaving Comoros. (Relax, Tony. The bandwagon will be so filled with newbies nobody will notice if you’re Adidas hat still has the tag on it.)

Sure, Notre Dame hasn’t been great — heck, even better than good — in the last decade, but if you find yourself in South Bend on a crisp Autumn Saturday, wander from the Grotto to the Basilica, across the quads and into Notre Dame Stadium, you’ll end up just as demented as the rest of us.

2. If you are anything like me, you trolled around the Notre Dame message boards after the loss to Navy. We don’t need direct quotes, but what was the best line, subject heading, argument- whatever? Should Irish fans be banned from the Internet for at least a couple of days after the game, win or lose?

I would ban all Irish fans from the internet from thirty minutes before kickoff until just before Sunday Night Football starts the next evening. By then, most of the absolute insanity will be worn off, and you can either go deeper into the doldrums if your NFL team loses, or at least feel like the weekend was a wash if you’re squad wins.

There’s no more difficult thing to do than troll message boards after a Notre Dame loss, and the game against Navy was probably the worst it’s been since… well, last year.

Here’s my favorite argument — slightly changed to protect the poster who wrote it:

I’ve never coached a sport, but in past years I’ve been a music director, with both instrumentalists and singers. I have always felt, in that area, that as long as I paid attention to fundamentals, and then rehearsed intelligently, that I could get a group to sound much better than anyone would have expected. Why? Because of my direction. With faulty direction, they could give 110%, but it wouldn’t matter if cues were missed, cutoffs were not together, pronunciation was not uniform–it could easily be a 110% mess. In any group effort, proper direction is key.

This kind of liberal use of the transitive property always just kills me. I’ve got no problem with the ideas presented, but here’s a guy that admits to never coaching a sport in his life, who then equates directing a group of musicians singing notes or reading sheet music to coaching one of the most high-profile teams in all of sports.

I can’t say it enough: Just because you played high school football or coach your kids Pop Warner team doesn’t mean you have even the slightest concept of the expertise needed in today’s major football. Believe me — I’ve spent a lot of time studying playbooks and trying to at least learn the latest lingo, and these guys make me look like I’m coloring with crayons outside the lines.

There are a lot of intelligent people that root for Notre Dame. But a good rule of thumb: the transitive property might be sweet for geometry, but it doesn’t work in critiquing sports.

3. Tulsa is a scary team after a loss to Navy. Before the Navy game- not so much. Give me your most dramatic nightmare scenario as well as your fairybook ending for this weeks game against the Golden Hurricane. Which one is closest to a possible reality?

I hid the fact that I was petrified of Navy last week pretty well, but I’ll be WAY more open about how scary Tulsa is, especially with the tragedy earlier in the week adding another layer of complexity to this game.

Nightmare: No Michael Floyd, same green offense struggling to throw the ball and Dayne Crist looks lost out there again as the defense gets cut up by both the passing and running of Tulsa, led by a breakout performance by G.J. Kinne.

Fairytale: A cathartic Saturday where Notre Dame comes together as a community and dedicates a Saturday to a great kid and family that loves the Fighting Irish, topped off by a convincing win.

Frankly, I’ve got no idea what’s going to be closer to reality, I just know I’ll be glued to the edge of my seat.

4. Most of these IBG’s have had a rather dark tone to them because of the season Notre Dame is having. If we would have beat Navy, we would be 5-3 and riding a 4 game winning streak. I had rather hoped to use that cheerfulness, and ask a few light-hearted questions. Seeing as how we lost, I think we need these more than ever. They’re not the wittiest questions, but you better answer them:

a) What college football team would you blog about if Notre Dame did not exist?

That’s an awesome question. Probably someone like Nebraska — a school with a really deep tradition and generations of fans that care about the Big Red. Backup: Maybe UCLA — it’d be great to write about a team that’s only 10 miles away, especially one that’s been on a rollercoaster like the one that’s permanently parked in Westwood.

b) Change Notre Dame’s colors. No blues, gold, or green please.

That’s ridiculous. Notre Dame has to have those colors — the only one you could consider getting rid of is blue. Green is mandatory because of the Irish. Gold helmets because of the Golden Dome. Replacing the blue with just about anything else would be really ugly.

c) Change one play in Notre Dame history. What was it, and how did it help?

That’s an easy one for me. Matt Leinart. 4th and 9. The pass is batted out of Dwayne Jarrett’s hands and Notre Dame shocks USC in 2005, as the Irish carry Charlie Weis off the field and the student body parades around campus with the goal posts.

One soon-to-be blogger who “hypothetically” joined financial fortunes with two of his best friends would’ve hit on a hypothetical moneyline parlay, living rent free for three hypothetical months, instead of drowning his sorrows at Finnegan’s.

d) Turn one loss into a win, and one win into a loss for one season. What season and what games are they?

I don’t know enough about the old days, but of games that I watched, I’d have loved to see Notre Dame knock off #1 Nebraska in 2000, the game where Nebraska fans tried to take over Notre Dame Stadium. That was one of the more ridiculous games I saw in person, with special teams returns from Julius Jones and Joey Getherall getting the Irish to overtime before Eric Crouch won it in overtime.

5. Tell me more about this Tulsa matchup. Tell me anything you like- but use at least one real stat.

I’ll shy away from math, and go with this feel-good note for Irish fans. Lovie Smith will be in attendance on Saturday, cheering for his alma mater Tulsa. It’s always good luck for opposing teams when Lovie Smith is in the stadium, right?

6. Phil Steele now has Notre Dame picked to play in the Pinstripe Bowl. The Pinstripe Bowl is in New York City and will be played in Yankee Stadium. Agree or disagree. Give me your bowl scenarios- if there are any.

I’d agree to just about any bowl game right about now. That means the Irish win at least two of the final four games, and possibly upset Utah or USC — two wins that would be absolutely huge for Brian Kelly’s squad.

BONUS: Please tell me that we can turn this season into a positive learning experience for 2011. How?

For fans: Changing systems and cultures isn’t an overnight switch, regardless of how well Year One went for the previous two regimes.Nobody is getting fired after one season, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the changes.

For the team: This season is already a positive learning experience. But the Irish must continue to develop Dayne Crist, an offensive line that’ll only need to replace Chris Stewart, and 2011 could potentially return both Michael Floyd and Kyle Rudolph, a very exciting proposition. Defensively, the Irish need to keep developing depth in the secondary, but the linebacking corp returns, as does a defensive front with everybody but Ian Williams.

For fans (again): Don’t start drinking the Kool-Aid for 2011 until after the 2010 season ends.