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IBG: All that’s left are the Trojans

Nov 22, 2012, 1:21 PM EDT

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Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Hope we can all spend a little time with our families before the entire focus turns to the big game this weekend. Until then, I tried to throw my best at the Subway Domer for this week’s Irish Blogger Gathering, and he stepped up and took on all comers, not unlike a certain movie character that the ol’ SD channels.

For more IBG, remember to check our our partners in crime, Her Loyal Sons and Strong and True, where I answered some questions for Josh, who once again reminded me why I’ll never predict wins or losses in the preseason. (Makes me look smarter.)

Here goes nothing.

1. I’m sure there are a few cinematic parallels going through your head as the Irish get set to play their arch-nemesis Trojans for a chance at immortality. As a fellow movie lover, compare this match-up to a great movie, and then cast it for me.

(Manti Te’o is Superman, Marqise Lee is General Zod, Lane Kiffin is Miss Tessbacher, etc.)

Although I do often think of these games in a cinematic sense, it usually has more to do with the soundtracks of such movies. So this is, believe it or not, quite difficult for me. I guess I’ll just reach back into some “old faithful’s.” Aye. Braveheart it is.

“Here are Notre Dame’s terms. Lower your flags, and march straight back to Troy, stopping at every camera you pass by to beg forgiveness for 10 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.”

William Wallace: Brian Kelly
King Edward “Longshanks”: Monte Kiffin
Prince Edward: Lane Kiffin
Phillip: Max Wittek
Hamish: Stephon Tuitt
Stephen: Manti Te’o
Robert the Bruce: Kirk Herbstreit
Bobby Bruce’s Leper Dad: Brent Musburger

***

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2. It was an absolute lovefest at Notre Dame Stadium last weekend, with the Irish crushing Wake Forest, the seniors getting a proper send off, and then Oregon and K-State losing to push Notre Dame to the top of the college football world. With the stars seemingly aligning, do you feel like this is a team of fate heading to Los Angeles? Or are you preconditioned to expect the absolute worst to happen?

The term, “Team of Destiny” has been embedded into my brain for quite a few weeks now. How could it not? Gone are the days of OMFGZ HERE WE GO AGAIN, or any of that other wussy type crap. This is BIG BOY football, and this is a BIG BOY football team. It really is hard to quantify the level of tunnel vision that I have for this game and this season. Every single moment that has been placed before this team that could have sent them tumbling down a wormhole of destruction, they have extended their fists and put up a finger. WHAT THOUGH THE ODDS INDEED.

Team of Destiny.

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3. You and nine of your Notre Dame fan friends are watching Saturday’s game together when the ghost of Knute Rockne appears and tells you that you can guarantee an Irish victory on Saturday night with a cash donation. How much money is your group willing the shell out for the victory? What do you guys pay for a guaranteed victory over Alabama in the national title game?

My bank account LAUGHS at this question. Well, I’d tell Lane Kiffin to take off that god damn Rockne costume and get his own money to pay recruits. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear enough before… THIS IS A TEAM OF DESTINY! You can not buy your place in paradise with any amount of earthly possessions. For by GRACE you have been saved by FAITH.

Have faith Irish fans. Paradise is within reach. All you doubters- DOUBTING THOMAS! GET BEHIND ME SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. halfwhitey - Nov 22, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    Haha. Max Wittek as Phillip! That’s awesome.

    “So tell me Max, what advice would you offer on… THE PRESENT SITUATION?!”

    Also, this is a good reminder to everyone that if you are ever standing near an open castle window, and the person who is talking to you suddenly ends their sentence by shouting, get the hell out of the way. They are about to throw you out that window.

  2. papadec - Nov 22, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Ohhhhhhh, it hurts too much when I laugh & start coughing (Bronchitis) over that casting – especially the image of Musburger.

  3. North of Denver - Nov 22, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Prince: I have declared Philip my Quarterback.
    Longshanks: Is he qualified?
    Philip: I am skilled in the arts of throwing and Kiffin’s antics, sire.
    (Teo subs for Longshanks throws Philip out of the window).

  4. canadianndfan - Nov 22, 2012 at 3:43 PM

    “He’s bigger than Matt Barkley, with a stronger arm and — who knows? — a better pro future”

    “Coach I’ve heard Wittek is 7 feet tall!!”
    “Yes, I’ve heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he’d consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse.”

  5. irish4006 - Nov 22, 2012 at 8:27 PM

    Hi Keith, any word on locker room revolts to bring back Rees? (I keed, I keed, of course, :-))

    Happy Thanksgiving!!

  6. ndgoldandblue - Nov 22, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    Fourth and ten, Trojans with the ball, down seven, and twenty seconds left on the clock. Wittek (Philip) drops back to pass, looking for Marquise Lee (the assassin who tried to kill Wallace as he was hunting), and he throws a crossing route to Lee over the middle for a possible first down. As soon as the ball gets there, Te’o (Stephen) nails Lee, decleating him and essentially ending the game.

    Te’o returns to the sideline, turns to Kelly (Wallace), and says, “Sure didn’t the almighty send me to watch your back? I didn’t like them (USC) anyway. They aren’t right…in the head.”

    • ndgoldandblue - Nov 22, 2012 at 10:01 PM

      All of these cinematic parallels get me thinking. The quarterbacks are kind of like the male members of the Corleone family. Tommy is the Godfather, Vito Corleone. He established himself as a quiet, generous man, who gained power by getting rid of a powerful, respected man in Don Fanucci (Dayne Crist). And he gained respect of his peers, initially, by doing favors and later by making smart decisions.

      Everett Golson is Sonny Corleone. When it was clear that the Godfather started slipping, it became easy for the opposition to pick him off, which they did. That opened the door for Sonny to be the Don. As the Don, Sonny was a firecracker with a lot of verve, much like Golson. That passion and excitement led to big moves that the Godfather, or Rees, couldn’t make. The assassination of Bruno Tattaglia and the severe beatdown of Carlo Rizzi would parallel an undefeated season and a national championship. That spontaneity also led to Sonny’s demise. Hopefully, Everett’s demise will never come.

      Gunner Kiel is Fredo Corleone. I can’t draw a very good comparison between Gunner and Fredo, other than Fredo is thought of as dumb and, in a very limited amount of time, Gunner made a couple of dumb decisions in the Blue-Gold game. The biggest similarity between these two is, I think, Gunner is going to get passed over, Fredo-style. I don’t want that to happen, but if Everett keeps developing at the rapid pace that he has, I don’t see how Gunner sees the field unless Everett gets injured or graduates. That leaves one year of eligibility left for Kiel, and I’m starting to doubt that he’ll stick around until that happens.

      Malik Zaire is Michael Corleone. From what I’ve heard, Malik has the most all-around talent of all the quarterbacks in the pipeline. I could be wrong, but that’s what I’ve read. By the time Zaire is ready to take over the reins, he won’t be a freshman (or even a redshirt freshman). If things with Golson work out (and I hope they do), Zaire will have two years of eligibility left. That means he will have learned the system completely, and he’ll have a stocked cupboard of talent around him thanks to great recruiting by Kelly. That will allow Zaire to be the most powerful Don of all those in the family.

      However, I could be off a generation. Maybe Everett is Michael, Tommy is Fredo, and Dayne is Sonny. I could just imagine seeing Everett sit down with A.J. McCarron after beating the Tide in the national championship, saying “USC is beaten. So is Oklahoma. Stanford. Michigan. Miami. I settled all family business, so don’t tell me you’re still number one. Admit you’re defeated.”

  7. norcalirish - Nov 23, 2012 at 6:56 AM

    “your island…you mean Ireland?”

    “yeah…it’s MYNE.”

    “insane Irish.”

  8. 9irish - Nov 23, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    I’m still thinking it’s William Shatner vs. one of the former members of 90210. Kicked Tom Selleck’s ass (Boston College), so I think we’ll do alright.

  9. rockmcd - Nov 23, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Very good but I have some changes to the cast:

    How can William Wallace be played by anyone other than Manti, fighting for his lost love. C’mon now!

    The French princess who betrays her supposed loyalty to USC and gets knocked up by Manti will be Kim Khardashian.

    Stephen will be played by Irish Chocolate (of course).

    Hamish’s dad can be Holtz.

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